Mayday

2004-11-26T19:16:00.000-07:00

Do you have to doubt my sincerity when I say things? Do my eyes betray me?

If I tend to not meet your eyes it is because I am typing.

And I tried so hard not hoard my words, my thoughts. Hoping maybe to convince you of the person I am, the person I need to be.

This distance seems terrible.

Feign My Courage

2004-11-26T18:58:00.000-07:00

A year passes and I give my faith so unwavering to you. My trust.

(Do gods sin?)

It's as if I've always felt this way. A year ago seems so far away. Nothing seems as close as you.

So is this how it will pass? Me feigning my courage in you and everything else.
Unsure and Unrealistic in every way.

But what is to stop me from imagining?

2004-11-25T22:23:00.000-07:00

For someone as obviously adept at reading people as you are, you should have seen this coming. Don't ask me what it is like to feel hated, ignored or despised. I wouldn't know. I wouldn't know what it's like to hurt, so do not even ask. Although I know you would not give much thought to the answer//

Is it too much to hope someone else could come and hold your hand through this troublesome time? Yes.//

And I will never pity you.//

As you say you want to kill yourself my mind wanders to what you would do if I handed you the knife, rope or pill. I know that you would not tell a soul if you were to seriously contemplated suicide. Suicide is not an easily shared idea/hope/intrigue.//

However. I do not know this. Of course not. How could I know anything when you know... so much?//

I do not know//